Becoming Aware of your Internal Narrative: Insomnia

Becoming Aware of your Internal Narrative: Insomnia

Becoming aware of your internal self-dialogue and the narrative that is constantly going on 50,000 times a day inside your own head is an amazing awakening, an enlightening realisation. Being able to identify your thoughts positive or negative and deciding to follow them and progress them or stop them in their tracks brings with it new freedom, a new sense of control over your own mind and an ability to decide your own future.  

I am certainly not talking here about becoming aware and then deciding to suppress negative thoughts or feelings, especially if you are going through something that is causing you great upset or pain but rather becoming aware to the degree that the thoughts are not controlling us, we are taking control and deciding whether to allow those thoughts to develop or not deciding whether they are healthy and good for us or not.    

This is where practising mindfulness really can help. Becoming truly present and aware of your external and your internal worlds puts you in the seat of control. It allows you to balance your external stimuli with your internal dialogue allowing you to control and regulate your physiological and emotional reactions and state.  It does not mean you become an emotionless robot but it does stop you being ruled or run by your emotions and stops your body taking control and looking for that chemical stimulus that it may be getting addicted to.  

Remembering also that the outside world and its media are designing to stimulate an emotional reaction within you so that your logical thought processes are overtaken.  

  • This is something I am very passionate about sharing with my readers and my members of here is that we are all being influenced.  

Taking Control; stopping the media from influencing your emotions 

It’s amazing when you look out into the world through the window of your TV or computer screen and see it as it is portrayed. The sheer immense amount of negativity I see when I look through these windows is enough to make depressed. If I chose to look through these windows every day my view of the world would surely be a very twisted one. Don’t get me wrong the irony of me writing a blog like this which will be displayed through one of those very windows is not lost on me.  

A couple of years ago (maybe even less) I was depressed and downhearted by the world I saw around me, or at least the world I thought I saw. My daily routine would consist of getting up early and whilst having breakfast and my morning coffee fix watching the news on TV, catching up on what had been happening in the world during the night when I should have been sleeping. I would then go about my daily routine. I would go to work listening to the radio in the car on my way and see the continued 24-hour news coverage from the BBC on canteen TV whilst I was getting my first work morning coffee. I would then usually go into my office and as my computer loaded up I would look at my phone with its news alerts and Facebook updates or Twitter notifications and see what’s been going on. By this point, I would no doubt be well versed in the drama that had unfolded on that particular day and everybody’s point of view from the anchorwomen and men, the pundits, the facebook status commentators, the internet trolls and more.  

I would sit in the canteen at lunch with the 24 hour news usually still going on, unless someone had gotten incredibly bored and switched it to some program that basically seemed to be telling me I wasn’t good looking enough or rich enough, tall enough or lucky enough to think myself worthwhile by showing me all the people I would never be, owning all the things I would never own.  

Friends would update their drivel onto their status and when something went viral all would be blah blah blahing about it with as much visceral deluge of uneducated uninformed bile that they could have become a Daily Mail editor in chief.   

During my evening meal I would watch the news, throughout my evening I would engage with different mediums and be fed more and more of the day’s news and views. I would watch debate shows, the latest youtube videos and so on and so on.  

So I spent my days being bombarded by negative media stories combined with a weird mix of glitzy glamorous advertising that told me how happy, sexually desirable and better off I could be if I only owned the piece of tat that it was parading before me by impossibly beautiful people that only made me feel insecure every time I dared to look into a mirror. Pretty standard for most people no doubt this tale of how we connect with the outside world. 

My life felt like it was in a constant state of there being something missing whilst at the same time an almost constant state of fear. But what was I missing? What was I afraid of? The media had been bombarding me during my entire waking hours into a constant state of fear with a distinct sense of my life lacking something. It then told me to fill that void with technology, beauty products, sex, drugs, alcohol and a lifestyle of selfish greed but that thirst was never quenched. But then it was never designed to be.  

by Sam I Am

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